I'm aware that I promised one thing in the last episode of what this episode was going to carry. Unfortunately, I'm not going to fulfill on that promise on this episode. Perhaps the next one.
I usually want to make episodes of this podcast to come out straight out of my heart, you know. And the time that that was happening was during the NYSCeries. I was talking about my life and the things that I was feeling inside, mostly.
And that was... That was fun to do, even though I was not in a very good place in life then, you know. And right now I'm standing outside my compound. And... Very similar to how I used to record during the NYSCeries, I was still squatting with my cousin.
And I used to stand outside the compound, but that was in my own place. And now I'm doing this from my own place. And that would be like living in your own... Answered prayer, or what would you call it.
I'm having this urge to record this episode today because I don't feel very good. Like internally, you know. Usually, I feel amazing.
Energy is top. And then certain times I feel like shit. And this could be because something is shifting, you know.
I feel like something in my near future, something amazing is happening. Or is setting itself up to happen in my near future. And it feels like I have to feel like shit first before it happens.
And I've had people at home... I've had visitors that have stayed over at my house over the past week as well. Where, you know, I've had company, so I should be... My energy should be elevated. Because when you're alone, when you're in solitude, you cannot have this baseline energy.
You know, nothing really affects it or changes it. Like in my own life, my routine is pretty set. You know, I don't have a wife or children, so it's pretty set.
But then when you have visitors and people who stay around with you, you can interact with people and have fun. Human beings are the best form of entertainment. And I thought even having that around would increase my energy.
And it did. I enjoyed having my friends around. But then internally, I still kind of feel like shit.
This episode, I don't even believe it even has an aim. But this podcast, naturally. But at the same time, this podcast is for me.
And since the listeners increased, I've unconsciously been too careful with how I post or what I say on the podcast. And then I feel like I may have lost some of that youth that it had earlier. And I don't want to lose that.
I don't want to lose that. Because I know in my mind that I'm a serious-minded motherfucker. I work hard.
I chase what I want down. And I have the conviction that everything I want, I'm going to get. It's inevitable.
And I don't know that I have to go through moments like this. Because this feeling like shit thing that I've been feeling for the past 2-3 days has come upon me with this surprise that I don't like. And I know it's going to pass.
And then there's been a couple of disappointments also in the last few weeks for me. That, how would I say, are striking, throw me into depression. And by the way, there are certain things I've been trying to establish so far.
One of them is business. That sounds so fucking generic. Well, what I mean by business is, all my life, I have not held down a proper job.
Let me say 9-5 type job. My first ever job job was one where I worked in an empty office for one of my father's friends. And it was in the same plaza where my dad had his shop.
So it was just like a family friend saying, I need somebody to be in my office as an office boy for this period of time. I think that was Covid or something like that. And so my father asked me, could you work for this man? And I said, yeah, sure.
And then I went over and worked for him. And it wasn't a bad job at all. I was paid 8K per month at that time.
And I worked for two months and then I had to, I quit because I don't like working for people. I just felt like I needed my time and my freedom. I felt like something was, whenever somebody else is in charge of my time and my routine, I feel my creativity being suppressed and it throws me off.
Even though I was passionate about being competent at that job. And I think I was competent at that job because the man didn't want to let me go. And I didn't hold on to that job then since.
And how do I make income? First, it was from drawing. I used to draw. I still know how to draw.
And so I used to do commissioned portraits of people and make money off of that. And then I got into remote jobs where I would take short-term remote gigs. And that paid very, very well.
And so that one gives me space to have my time. And in that line of work, I do more admin work than actual work. So it gives me time to express myself creatively in all forms.
This podcast and all the other things I do. And then another skill I learned as a result of the podcast is video editing. So I take gigs to edit people's videos and podcasts from time to time, you know.
So living that life, I live perhaps above average. So recently, I've now decided the instability of all these income streams. They affect the stability of my person.
They affect the stability of my internal comfort. I don't know what words to use, I beg. But you kind of get it.
And I don't want that. I want something organized. And so I decided to turn this whole thing, all the skills I've got, everything I've got with doing podcasts over the years and everything, and shell it into one business.
And so that's what I've been doing. Set up a business page for my Instagram. Set up an Instagram business page.
Run ads there. I spent over 100K on ads. Not one single client.
How? Even ads that worked before. Like the same ad I ran before. Are you asking me to run it again? Nothing.
What is this business? I know how to purchase podcasts, obviously. I know how to shoot videos. I know a bunch of ideas like that.
I can produce a podcast from scratch. From the idea to distribution. Getting clients for that, obviously involves you pitching yourself.
And I don't like to do that as well. It's not from a place of pride even. Honestly, I don't mind humbling myself to talk to who I need to talk to or ask, not even favors, or pitch myself to who I need to pitch myself to.
But I feel like when something is right, it is going to be effortless. When something is for you, it's going to be effortless. Even if I'm going to pitch, I'm only going to do it one time.
It's like planting a seed and leaving it because I cannot be persistent. People will help you, they will stress you. But I've not found any success with that.
I sent a DM to one, there's this celebrity, I don't want to name jobs so I don't jinx it, but there's this celebrity that I noticed had a podcast one time. He used to do funny stuff, but he also has brain, he's very, very deep. And so there are two sides of him, I guess.
And so I was appealing to the other cerebral side of him. He launched that podcast, he put out like two episodes, and then I didn't see any episode anymore. And I follow him on Instagram, so I saw one of his posts and I sent him a DM.
I said, look, what happened? You used to have a podcast before, I'm not seeing any episodes. I produce podcasts, so if you don't mind, I can revive your podcast. What do you need? And in my mind, I'm thinking, if I do that, then that could open doors.
But let me, let it be a space for me to express my creative talents. When I first got into Lagos, another job I had, but this isn't really a job, I was a presenter, so we organized shoots and we'd go and do some shoots. But it was street interviews.
And as much as I like interviewing people, people who agree to get interviewed, not that I go to the street and start begging or asking people, let me ask you a few quick questions, and then they'll be like, no, no, no. Getting rejected so many times, that wasn't my, I didn't really enjoy that. So I didn't do that for long.
One, because it was a Christian channel, so I was asking Bible questions to people on the street, and I'm not Christian, so it just felt, I had this cognitive dissonance while doing that, so it's not something I felt fulfilled doing. So I noticed that that channel, they called me for a shoot one last time because I was freelance with them. They called me for a shoot one time, and I said, I'm too busy with running my own, I was about launching the network at that time, so I was too busy with all that stuff, and I coupled with the fact that I didn't really enjoy doing that work, so I told them I can't shoot with them anymore.
But then I noticed that they were launching a podcast, because I follow them on Instagram, and I noticed that they were launching a podcast, and so I sent a DM to the man who owns the channel, who employed me at that time, and I said, look, my business that I was talking about that time is, it's a network which is also linked to my business where I produce podcasts, so I noticed that you're starting a podcast, I could produce it for you, I could do a season plan for you, I could edit your stuff, and distribute it as well on Spotify, and all these other places. I sent him that message, two days ago, I was aired. Look, guys, I don't want any, I'm not looking for any sympathy, honestly, I just need to, and I'm not looking for sympathy, I just, I don't even know what it is I'm recording this for, to be honest.
But I was inside, scrolling on Instagram, because the whole of today, you know how it is when you feel like shit now? I have things on my board that I have written down that I need to do today, especially the content I'm creating. Anybody that follows me on Instagram has seen that over the last week or so, I've been creating content for podcasters only. Like my Instagram now is for people who are trying to be podcasters, and I'm writing, I'm sharing things, lessons I've learned, tips and things, and I'm going to position myself strategically for the sake of that business.
So, no, consistency is obviously going to lead to success in the future, but is that what is making me feel like shit? You know? And so, the whole of today, I had stuff on my board that I had written down that I was going to do today, including shooting some content, but I couldn't do any of that. The whole, like literally the whole of today, this is Thursday, right? You're going to listen to this on a Monday. This is coming up on a Monday.
This is Thursday, I'm recording this, the time is 12, what? It's midnight. 12.22. And I felt like shit all day. I've done literally nothing today.
I haven't even brushed my teeth today. Just lay down, don't screen on Instagram, the whole entire day, no gym, self, nothing. I guess there's nothing else to, to unpack from my mind at this moment.
So, thank you very much for coming to my TED talk. I think I feel lighter, you know, verbalizing this, saying this out, out loud. I feel lighter just saying it out loud.
You know, sometimes I don't think you even need help. Sometimes you just need to open your mouth and say what the fuck is wrong and throw all that negative energy out in the open so it doesn't just stay inside you and fuck up your thoughts and stuff. And oh, oh my God, and guess what? Guess, guess fucking what? I've been meditating for the past three days, you know.
Today is the, in all this, I've been feeling like shit for the last three days, but today is the shittiest I've felt. And today is a fucked up. Today, today's meditation didn't go well.
I thought maybe as you progress with meditation, you get better and better, your mind gets clearer and clearer. First day, mind was clear. Second day, mind was clear.
And I think, ah, third day is going to be amazing. And I woke up today and it was shitty. I couldn't, I didn't even know if I was doing it right.
But I think I still try to meditate for as long as possible. But I don't think it even hit, you know. And then from the beginning of the day, I slept really late last night because I was up working.
And I slept like for four hours today between like 10 and 3 p.m. or 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. By the end of the day, at the end of the day, literally, because we are at the end of the day, I think I feel better because I haven't spoken about it. So if you've listened to the point where you've heard this, then it's almost like you sat through, it's almost like you sat through my blabbing and unpacking. And I'm grateful for it.
You know what's stupidly funny? I'm going to sit down, transfer this audio to my laptop, edit it, and put this sound on it. I still make sure it ends the way it usually ends. Oh boy.